Good morning, subject.
You have unwillingly gained the privilege to become this facility's second guinea pig.
Oh, but you do not have to get up right away. You have plenty of time to kill. (To kill yourself, that is.)
You need a name. An important little guy like you should have an important-sounding name.
How about Subject 2-Change?
Yes, that will work.
My name is Generic Omnipresent Voice.
Sure, it's a bit of a mouthful to say, but I don't think mouthfuls are always a bad thing.
Still, if you ever speak to me, you may refer to me as GOV for short.
Now that we have that name business sorted out, let us discuss the reason you are here.
Or, just let me discuss it, since I'm not actually going to let you speak.
This facility has developed a syrup (not a serum; a syrup) with the long-saught [sic] ability to acquire eternal life.
Tests are being conducted to see how effective it is, and that is where you come in.
It is not known if this Life Syrup (as we call it) will work.
Through testing it, there is a 33% chance your life will end forever.
Then again, there is a 67% chance you will never stay dead as long as you have the Life Syrup.
Only one way to find out.
Levels are divided into sections based on the checkmark they are given and the availability of grapefruit in them.
|1||I assume you already know how to move left and right|
|2||Jump with A. No need to wait until Leap Day.|
|3||You'll need a key to open a locked door.|
|4||The round things are grapefruits. ...I don't know where they came from. Please ignore them.|
|5||That's the Life Syrup! Retrieve it, Subject 2-C! You can totally make this jump.|
|6||The syrup is a success! At least, it seems to be working--but we'll have to run some more tests.|
|7||Some of the Life Syrup is stuck on the walls.|
|8||You should be able to pass through wooden objects as a ghost.|
|9||That crate sure looks crate.|
|10||There's only one serving of syrup in this room. It won't stick around once you get it.|
|11||I feel like you won't figure this one out.|
|13||You're the 1st subject to ever get this far...|
|14||Every other subject has come back to life hideously deformed after using my samples.|
|15||These switches are what I like to call spoons.|
|16||The first 'eternal life' tests involved these spoons.|
When every test ended in mortiferous failure, the spoons were used as door switches instead.
|17||Every subject has been given the same name as you...Subject 2-Change.|
|18||But you are not like them. You remain unchanged with each revival.|
|19||I think it is about time for a very palatable reward...|
Green levels contain no obtainable grapefruit.
|20||Just wait under the red spoon and be on your way.|
|21||...Oh you think you're so clever, do you?|
I'm afraid this is the wrong way.
|22||There's still time. Just jump into one of the spikes below and you will be brought to your intended destination.|
|23||You fool. This is a restricted area for research purposes.|
|24||Believe me, I spent 100 years building this lab and developed thousands of samples on my own to get to where I am now.|
That elixir of life is MINE.
|25||I get angry when I don't get my way.|
You're useless to me now. Prepare to die, redcoat.
|26||I will be collecting my Life Syrup the moment you're dead. Selfish pest.|
I'm finished talking to you. GOV out.
Day 1 - Welp, my dad died at age 89. Good riddance. He can't tell me and my siblings to stay out of his science lab anymore. Let's see if this logbook thing works.
|29||Day 3 - I once bought an enormous pile of sugary desserts with my dad's money...I just found the room where he hid them all from me. Our days of eating pears, asparagus, and ham sandwiches are over.|
|30||Day 7 - Guthrey here. Still in the same room, eating more desserts with my siblings. Take that, Dad, you rotten, uppity bag of filth.|
|31||Day 14 - I feel gravely ill. There's puke all over the place. One of my brothers is dead, and the rest of the gang is fading away. This can't be what devouring only sweets does to a person.|
|32||Day 16 - My older sister's last words were "I now know the error of my ways. Please, Guthrey, don't eat any more [sic] sweets." ...to which I replied, "You've gone mad. Don't tell me what to do, wackjob." Her eyes slowly closed and I went back to eating my chocolate.|
|33||Day 19 - No. I refuse to believe it. I will not go back to eating grapes, eggs, and celery sticks. But I'm not going to join all my stupid brothers and sisters in the afterlife either.|
|34||Day 20 - My dad apparently used this lab to mix my desserts with other ingredients to create medicinal recipes and save the world from deadly diseases before he died.|
He also made this "Warp Yogurt". I wanted to use it to navigate the labs faster, but I don't know how it works.
|35||Day 21 - I'm going to see if any of these old formulas my dad was making for the world could save me instead. But I'm going to test them on some other people first.|
|36||Day 22 - I've made a new name for myself. I am GOV, and I govern this facility.|
I'm about to serve some of this Life Pudding I found to a guy I kidnapped and see if it saves him from a sickeningly bitter end. If it does, I'll know that it is capable of saving me from a sickeningly sweet end.
|37||Day 23 - I tried the Life Pudding on three different test subjects. On the plus side, I found out the spoons I used were door openers. However, all the subjects are now... a revolting sight...|
|38||Day 28 - The Cure Cake, the Revival Cocoa, the Soda of Strength, they're all disasters. All 19 of my subjects have met the same repulsive end...|
They all turned into grapefruits.
I'm about to test the Life Syrup on a guy with a plateau head. Hopefully there is success.